We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
