My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
