Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
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Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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