He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Mom said you looked used
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
