dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
