1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
