he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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