I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
