so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
