thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
