The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
