my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
