Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
