I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
