I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
