U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
P.S. I can't hear my feet
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize