the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
