dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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