New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
