If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
