Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
