I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
