After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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