So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
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dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
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Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize