Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
