You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Randomize
