I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
