Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
