i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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