you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
