I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He told me they were just razor bumps!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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