all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
