No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
