First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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