She is in my trunk
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
