Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
