Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
