So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
People in love make me want to vomit
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She needs sedatives and a leash
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
