He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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