yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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