she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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