Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
