Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
