I wish I could punch you in the face.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
