i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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