just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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