420 ftw
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
