This is not my ceiling
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
