Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
