ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
