bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How does it feel to date your dad?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
