oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
