3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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