mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
