he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
