So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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