A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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