I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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