so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
