I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
