I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
