I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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