Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
