So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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