I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
