"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
