fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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