I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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