It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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