OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Never underestimate the power of titties
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