You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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