So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
