Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
