Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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