Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
