okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
