I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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