It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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