his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
