I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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