God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
