I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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