I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
